One early morning late December past,
I had some trouble with my TV mast.
Viewing films flickering on Channel Three,
wondering why I then strode outside to see.
Moon shine and heavenly stars twinkled bright,
on that very cold but clear peaceful night.
All remained quite in early hour,
soft snow lay like finely graded flour.
Footsteps crunching stepping down the long yard,
my dog followed closely keeping his guard.
Reaching white gardens end turning to see;
what problem with my antenna could be.
Right at that point my sniffing dog turned mad,
so I shouted at him calling him bad,
but he barked and jumped wildly back and forth,
while looking up in the direction North.
It was then on my roof I saw this thing,
that had caused my dog to suddenly spin.
Clutching my aerial this bloke real fat,
dressed in some red outfit with boots and hat.
He seemed having great trouble just to stand,
on icy roofs with big sack in one hand,
though his wobbly stance and big red nose
displayed grins from alcohol some most knows.
Smiling down at me with big laughing eyes,
he muttered a bit then shouted "Surprise".
He then gave a wave though a big mistake,
cos he let go my mast starting to skate.
First on his feet flipping onto his back,
he slid off my roof still clutching his sack.
Running round the house front I leapt to see,
where the clown landed whoever he could be.
Reaching the roadway I suddenly stop,
with utter amazement feeling jaw drop,
for instead the mess expecting to find
stood several reindeer with sleigh behind.
Sat in that vehicle he'd luckily dropped,
bottle opener ready where a cork popped.
Then rounding corner a cop car appeared,
with all lights flashing those reindeer just reared.
Pulled sleigh shooting past me cops giving chase,
skating iced road while increasing in pace.
Giving loud laughs bottle waving aloft,
that sledge soon left the ground. Yes it took off !
Panda car skids before opening a door,
when two cops walked forward cursing the floor.
Watching a sleigh fly till lost in the night,
then a female cop asked if I was alright.
"Yea, but who´s that prat?", asking those in blue,
"If my mast is screwed up I´ll need to sue".
"That" said police, "is what we want to know,
every year he drink drives, even in snow".
"We've chased that nutter since joining this force,
his annual home visits due in course."
"Anyone drunk flying round roofs at night,
must have criminal intents giving fright".
Explaining my shock seeing men dressed red,
falling off roofs giving thoughts being dead.
"Lucky for you", one nods laughing surprise,
"He often gains entry; nicks all her mince pies".
He'll Nick-her-less now he's gone flown away,
though bobbies claim they will catch him one day.
Just quiet warning beware Christmas Eve,
when all drunks cause trouble, judges believe !
Written Year 2000 Revised 25 Feb 09 © by Gary Elliott